The first exercise was in two parts, the first being to take a self-portrait with you in it. The second was to take a self-portrait with an object representing where you are right now.
I have had quite an emotional time as this exercise forced me to take a deeper look at my life; at my hopes and dreams. I was surprised by how near to the surface these emotions remained throughout the week. This has been such a busy month for our family and I think the lack of time to actually sit and be still and think and examine and pray through it all, meant that I had thoughts and ideas swirling through my mind which I could not gain control of or settle enough to understand.
Today I finally took some much needed time away, alone, to sit and write and try to solidify the swirling mess.
I love to take photos, I love the fact that there is an artistic process that is coupled with technical requirements. One moment can be captured in so many different ways. I love to share my art and yet I still live with fears of disappointment, judgment, rejection. Will I ever be good enough to take this further? Will others believe in my abilities? Will they enjoy my offerings? Will my desire to create, rob my children of time with their mother? Is this the right time?
Yes I am a complex creature, with many issues. I am a wife. a mother, a sister, a daughter a friend, taking care of others, taking care of all the 'stuff' that needs taking care of; the meals, the laundry, the mess, the emotions, the teaching and training. Somewhere in the midst of it all there is an artist, someone who was on the verge of drowning and has finally come up for air and is frantically gulping for breath, for her very life. It is not so much a battle, as a realization that choices have to be made.
So (at the risk of further rejection) I share with you my self-portrait. I would love to hear your thoughts or comments. What do you see, what do you think, how does it make you feel?
Check back soon for my self-portrait part two!
